We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You are the jesus of drinking
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
