yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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