I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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