if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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