I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
