i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
