4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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