We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
