i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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