Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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