She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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