I accidentally had phone sex last night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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