is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
