my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
