Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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