so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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