i think my mom watched the whole time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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