My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We need to get me chipped asap
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
