hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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