Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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