I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
