I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
