i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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