i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
