yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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