Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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