I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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