Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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