Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize