you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
