This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
