i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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