I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
