birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
