I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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