P.S. I can't hear my feet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
