I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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