Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
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Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
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Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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