Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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