Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
