Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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