Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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