So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
