he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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