Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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