i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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