I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
