I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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