dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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