Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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