he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
