i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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