My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
