Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
