I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
