i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
