Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
