At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
