Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
