I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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