if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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