...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
