remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
