I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
