ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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