Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
