Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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