Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
