Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
