Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
