Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
