Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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