Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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