And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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