remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
