Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
