I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
